woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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