you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
