I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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