i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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