I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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