I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
