I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I look excited, but its just a facade.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
