She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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