i just sold back the books i vomitted on
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
