some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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