That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
