God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
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Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
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I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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