U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
