I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
