i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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