my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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