I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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