I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just found puke in my bra..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
