I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
