hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
