the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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