My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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