the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
