you guys were way drunker than both of me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
