Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
