I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
