we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
