How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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