I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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