You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
