Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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