shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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