Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
