So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
