Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
