the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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