I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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