can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
