Those balls look pretty dangerous.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
