Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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