she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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