birth control should be required to get into college
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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