Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
