My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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