Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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