I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I came so hard my ears popped.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
