I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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