I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Randomize
