Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
True strength comes from lack of pants
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
