We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
