Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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