She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
