I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
