remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
birth control should be required to get into college
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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