everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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