three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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