I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
