Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
