He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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