Whod you bang
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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