My room smells like vodka and shame
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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