this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Success! We fucked roommates!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
