Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
The air taste purple.
Randomize
