im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
