Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
