Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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