I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
