just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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