I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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