...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
did you just send me my own nude
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
