in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
